Who I Am Hates Who I've Been
by EdenLovegoodMalfoy
Summary: Robin must make a choice between the only girls of the Titans West. His choice causes the other to go on hiatus from the team and when she comes back, they find that she's changed. Confused about his emotions, Robin starts to reconsider his choice after seeing the changed Titan.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. If I did, Robin and Raven would be getting married and have kids. **

**NOTE: Slow beginning. After the next chapter, things will speed up. **

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Raven closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. She was just about to get done with her meditation until someone had intruded on her little morning ritual on the roof. They weren't being loud at all; she could just feel their presence. She popped one eye open, noting that whoever was on the roof with her wasn't making a move at all. "Before you think you weren't caught, you better come over here," she said, landing her feet to the ground. Her cloak flew behind her as she looked down at the ground from the top of the T-Tower.

"You're up early," a voice sounded from next to her this time. Raven turned to see the black spikey-haired leader with a short temper. That was one thing they had in common, but Raven was able to conceal her anger much better than Boy Wonder.

"I could say the same for you," Raven answered, turning back to look at the view of the water and the city, her arms resting at her sides.

The pair didn't make any noise as they both stared at the body of water that shone brightly. It reflected the sun and the sky that was slowly starting to lighten up, showing that it was soon to be the start of a new day.

Raven was surprisingly the character who decided to break the silence. "Do you want some tea?"

Slowly, the other bird turned to face her. He shook his head and replied," No thanks. I'm good. I'll go with you to make it, though." He felt relieved that she could talk to him and have comfortable silences with him. This wouldn't have happened had the whole "End of the World" fiasco not occur. He smiled slightly, glad that she was slowly opening up and releasing herself from the shell she was enclosed in previously. With the defeat of Trigon, he knew she didn't have to be too weary of her emotions, for Trigon could not control her. The only reason she had to hold her powers in now was because she didn't want to cause destruction like how she had on her birthday.

Raven nodded and headed toward the door. Robin stood there for a moment until his female companion turned around and asked," Are you coming?"

Robin nodded and followed her down the stairs and toward the kitchen, where she was quick to prepare the tea kettle. He watched as she floated toward the couch and plopped herself on it. She wasn't at all like Cyborg or Beast Boy, where they'd instantly turn on the TV and watch some action movie/show or play video games once she sat down. She also wasn't like Starfire who would sit down and then shoot back up, sharing some news she'd have found exciting, while the team wiuld be comfused as to why she was excited in the first place. All Raven did was sit there, staring out the window and think to herself as her tea was heating up. With a small smile, Robin headed toward the couch and sat next to her.

"It's a nice morning, isn't it?" Robin asked, his arm resting on the couch behind her. His fingers touched her shoulder lightly, causing her to jump in surprise. A blush appeared on her face, but she covered it quickly by pulling up her hood.

Raven cleared her throat and nodded. "Yeah. Too bad it's gonna have to end soon. Beast Boy may wake up late, which I'm grateful for," she said, causing Robin to chuckle and look out the window from where he sat," but Starfire and cyborg wake up early. They're not so graceful, quiet, or happy if they don't have the right amount of sleep."

"I know how you feel," Robin said after a while. "I don't really like it when my mornings are ruined either."

Raven nodded slowly. The pot whistled followed by the slamming of one door and the light click of another. She stood up and grabbed the kettle from the stove before pouring it into her favorite mug that had Eeyore on it. The team had gotten it for her for Christmas. Even though she didn't like the fact that they compared her to the depressed Eeyore, she was still somewhat happy that they thought about her and bought her gifts as well. She placed the Earl Grey tea bag into her mug and watched as it sank to the bottom slowly, filling the cup with little color. She resumed her position onto the couch, leaving a little distance between her and Robin, unlike before.

"Goodmorning, my fellow Earthling companions!" a chipper voice called from behind them, making the two birds turn to face the culprit who talked. "Isn't this just a glorious day?"

Robin nodded, while Raven gave her a shrug. Raven turned around, sipping her coffee, while Starfire headed to the kitchen and attempted to make breakfast. It proved to be uneffective by the amount of noise she was making with the pots and pans against the stove.

When they heard another booming voice, they knew that the situation would be taken care of with a little bit of struggling.

After a while, Robin got off of the coach to assist Cyborg in insisting Starfire to hand over the job to the human-robot hybrid. Although Raven wouldn't admit it, she quite enjoyed the morning because it showed that things were still the same even though she almost ended the world permanently.

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**A/N: Another story from me, even though I can't quite write my other ones! I'm hoping this one turns out better than the others because I am so braindead for those. I hope you liked this story, even though this is pretty slow.**

**Love~**

**EdenLovegoodMalfoy**


	2. Confused

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Teen Titans. Raven and Robin are still not together, a sure sign that I am in no way producing or creating Teen Titans or Teen Titans Go!**

**BEWARE: Suckish chapter!**

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Raven didn't know how she ended up in the garage with Cyborg. He just had that effect on her. Without her completely knowing, always got her to agree with what he wanted. "Look, all I'm saying is that I like you, but in that way, Rae. I have no idea how that guy thought we were a couple," Cyborg said, trying to cover his previous statement of," PFFT! That guy didn't know what he was talkin' about! I wouldn't want to date you! I don't like you!"

Raven rolled her eyes. "I get it, Cyborg. I don't really care anyway." She watched as he rolled himself under his T-Car. In the last encounter with a villain, the car had some major malfunctions that Cyborg had to fix immediately. He of course didn't have long arms or the patience to be able to grab the tools he needed. He knew that Starfire would be utterly confused, Beast Boy would be easily distracted, and Robin would be too busy to help him because he would be looking for Slade leads. Raven would reluctantly agree, but she would agree, which is why the human/robot hybrid was in the same room as the empath. Plus, he wanted to pry some things out of her. "Anyway, why did you force me into doing this?"

Cyborg shrugged subtly. "I need the help. You're the only one who can really help me, ya know."

Raven crossed her arms over her chest and sat in the corner of the room on a bench. She pulled a book from her cloak that she had stashed there for her predicted boredom. "I'm pretty sure that's not the case," she said as she read the lines on her page. The cover was in Azarathean, which she was glad for because it as a paranormal romance. If someone like Beast Boy was able to read it, he would make fun of the empath for owning such a book.

"I'm offended that you think about me like that," Cyborg said as he loosened some things in his car.

"I don't _think, _I _know. _There's a difference. I can feel the smugness and curiosity through you. Trust me, I don't want to know what you're feeling, but it's really hard to ignore," Raven said, setting her book down and staring at the legs that were popping out from under the T-Car.

Cyborg siged in defeat. "You caught me red-handed, Rae. I really thought you wouldn't catch me, but you caught me,."

"Get to the point, Cyborg," Raven said, irritably. His emotions were swirling around in her mind. Pride, smug, curiosity, sneaky, etc. All she wanted was to book, but she tolerated the other occupant in the room. He was actually quite comfortable to be around.

"Alright. Remember that time we went to your mind and saw your emotions?" Cyborg asked. Raven flinched, reminscing in the memory.

_"You guys weren't supposed to be here," Raven scolded, almost looking angry, however, she had to conceal it. If she let anger slip out, her friends would be endangered. She was quite glad that Robin and Starfire weren't there to worsen the situation. "You weren't even supposed to be in my room," she hissed, cursing inwardly._

_ Beast Boy paled and held his hands up in surrender. "L-look, Rae, I'm s-sorry, but Cy and I-we were worried about you."_

_ Raven held her hand up when she heard pounding footsteps. "Oh! Yay!" a Raven with a pink cloak exclaimed, staring at Beast Boy and Cyborg. "Beast Boy and Cyborg are here!" _

_ Beast Boy and Cyborg exchanged glances before staring at the two Ravens. _

_ "Raven? And Raven?" Cyborg questioned._

_ "Why are there two of you?" Beast Boy asked._

_ The pink Raven bounced happily and hugged the confused teammates, while Raven was blushing madly. She really wished that they could not see her happiness in overload. "Oh! Oh! Oh! I can't believe you two are here!" She pranced happily around them and smiled brightly._

_ "I think Raven had too much sugar this morning," Beast Boy muttered._

_ Pink Raven giggled, covering her mouth with her hand. "Oh, BB, you're so funny!"_

_ Beast Boy stared in bewilderment at the happy Raven._

_ "Ignore her," the regular Raven said, slapping her hand against her face. "You need to get out of here, right now before-Oh no."_

_ Before she could continue, a Raven with a yellow hood appeared. The yellow-hooded Raven walked toward Beast Boy and Cyborg. Both noted that she was wearing glasses and was carrying a big book that seemed to be an encyclopedia. _

_ "Hey, Wise Raven, how did Beast Boy and Cyborg get here?" Happiness asked. _

_ "Perhaps when they were snooping in our room, they found the mirror connecting to our world and got sucked into it when they stared into it," Wisdom answered, staring at the culprits who were gulping visibly._

_ Cyborg put his hands up in surrender. "Look, Raven, Raven, and Raven," he started, causing all three Ravens to turn and stare at him. "We were just worried about you...guys...and we wanted to make sure you guys were okay."_

_ "We're fine," Raven said through gritted teeth. "Now, you guys have to get out." Through the eyes of her teemmates, she looked like she was trying not to let something out. A big secret._

_ "But-but, why should they go? Because I'm worthless?" a self-concious Raven emerged. She wore a grey cloak. _

_ "N-no, Raven, you're not worthless!" Beast Boy said._

_ "Nah, Insecurity, we're amazing!" Confidence rang out, wearing an orange cape. She smiled brightly and saluted to Beast Boy and Cyborg._

_ "Why are you all pouring in?" Raven asked, exasperatedly. She furrowed her eyebrows until she spotted a red dot in the distance. "Oh no. Not her." It wasn't a deep dark red like Anger, it was much more vibrant and easier to spot. _

_ "Hello, all!" Love greeted. "How are you today?" _

_ "Um..." Cyborg said, confused._

_ "I'm terrible. I saw two certain people on the couch rather close. I don't think I'll ever have a chance with him," Insecurity said, sadly._

_ "Of course not! We definitely have as much of a chance with him as they do!" Confidence said, swinging down from a vine. "You gotta believe in yourself more, Insecurity!"_

_ "Exactly! This kind of attitude will not get us Robin!" Happiness yelled. All was quiet after that. Raven disappeared, leaving questions hanging in the air. "Oops! Sorry!"_

_ Love had hearts for eyes. "Maybe, just maybe, Robin and I could have that special relationship."_

_ Cyborg and Beast Boy just continued walking, ignoring whatever happened in case they heard it wrong, but as they walked away, they heard them still talking in "hushed" whispers about the Boy Wonder. Could Raven have fallen for their fearless leader?_ **(A/N: I am aware that this is nowhere near the Nevermore episode. I'm making this up for the purpose of this story.)**

"I know I'm not supposed to be poking my head around, but that day, you avoided us at all costs," Cyborg said as he rolled out from under the car. "Were they speaking the truth?"

Raven sighed. "It's no use beating around the bush. Yes, what they said was true, but I'm not exacly sure if it's real or I just have a crush on him." She used her telepathic powers to give him the rag, whic he thankfully took.

"I think your confidence was right. Just because Starfire is more open doesn't mean she has more of a chance than you do," he said as he wiped his oily face. "Don't let your insecurity win in this battle."

Raven shrugged. She was too overcome with her emotions to notice another presence in the doorway.

* * *

Robin stared in shock at his two comrades. Had his ears deceived him or were they really talking about him and...and Raven's crush on him? He didn't know what to feel. He was absolutely confused. With so many thoughts racing through his brain, Robin headed up the steps. This inner turmoil was affecting him greatly. He had to act fast before Starfire and Raven had a fight about him. His steps quickened as he reached the door to his room. Maybe finding some leads on Slade would help him think better.

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**A/N: Thank you for reading this long chapter that was really stupid. I will reply to your reviews!**

**psychic soul: Thank you for this wonderful review! Yes, it very much is based on the Relient K song! I absolutely love it and I thought it fit perfectly with the story plot. I hope you're enjoying the story so far!**

**Nkcandygirl: Thank you! I'm glad that you think it's great! I have updated and I hope you enjoyed it! **

**You guys are amazing. Keep following, favorite, and reviewing my story and I. Make my emails full of your amazing love!**

**Lovies~**

**EdenLovegoodMalfoy**


	3. Human

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Teen Titans at all. Sadly.**

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"Oh, hello, friend Raven!" Starfire exclaimed, floating up and over to Raven with a bright smile. "Isn't this just so wonderful? Spending the day with friends!" she said. Raven was quite bothered by the fact that she was a ball of energy, but she learned to tolerate her. It was Beast Boy that normally edged away at her patience as if it were a rock and he was using an ice pick. She just couldn't handle his type of energy.

"Yeah," Raven said as she sat down and used her powers to pour herselfa cup of tea. She placed the tea bag in before placing it in front of her and looking down at the cup that was slowly flowing with color in swirls.

Despite Raven's gloominess, Starfire's smile never left her face. "Do you agree that we should do the hanging out?" she asked, hopeful that the less cheerful girl would agree.

"No. I'd rather stay here," Raven answered, taking a sip of her tea. She was being curt and short, which was the way she was accustomed to. She didn't want to come off as mean, but if the slightest bit of emotion showed, her tea would probably be spilling out of her broken mug that her friends spent money on.

"But friend Raven!" the other interjected, a pout placed on her face as she laced her fingers together in front of her. It looked as if she were praying.

"No. I don't want to hang out. I want to stay here," Raven answered.

"Friend Raven!"

"Star-" Robin started, sensing Raven's anger. "I don't think you should-"

"Please, come with us!"

"I'd rather not," Raven said through gritted teeth.

"Do you wish not to do the hanging out?"

Raven nearly slammed her mug down on the counter. "I DON'T WANT TO HANG OUT, STARFIRE!" she yelled, causing the lights to flicker dangerously. The music that Robin was playing on the stereo turned into high pitched squeaking. Her voice softened when she saw Starfire's anguished face. "I just can't." She then headed out of the T-Tower to clear her mind.

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Robin knew things would be awkward after finding out about Raven's crush on him. He also knew that she would be on the roof. Reluctantly, he left the upset Starfire to go up to the roof and comfort the real blazing fire. Even though he wasn't an empath, he knew she was quite angry about the predicament. "You know, she was trying to be nice," he told her.

He was a little disappointed that Raven didn't turn around to acknowledge him. "I know. I feel bad, alright? I just couldn't help it," she answered, looking down at the water. "It's hard to control myself, especially with anger. Even though my dad's gone, the anger is still there." She ran a hand through her hair. "It's just, she was getting on my last nerve. I couldn't take it."

Robin was surprised that she was opening up to him. Knowing the personalities, he figured that she would mostly open up to Cyborg because they were close or Aqualad since he was honest, helpful, and understanding. The fact that she opened up to someone who couldn't quite sort out his emotions made him all the more curious as to who Raven trusted. "I know, but being angry is part of being human," he said as he neared her.

"I'm not human, Robin. I'm far from it," Raven said, sounding broken.

Robin took her hand, causing Raven to turn to him. A blush dusted her cheeks. "Then, let me in. Let me help you."

"I-uh-alright."

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With light footsteps, Starfire made it to the top just in time to see Robin grab Raven's hand. Her frown deepened as she stared for a few seconds before going back down the stairs. So much for apologizing to Raven about getting her angry. It seemed as though Robin was having a _great _time comforting her.

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**A/N: I'm quite satisfied with this chapter. I really like the slight drama between Starfire and Raven. It seemed as if Robin was trying to choose who to comfort. Then, in the end, Starfire gets hurt, which I regret doing, even though I don't like Starfire too much. Review time!**

**Nkcandygirl: Oh, thank you! :)**

**KhaalidaNyx: Just did! Lol. I really enjoyed your statement. I hope I satisfied with this update!**

**HermioneSakuraGardner07: Ah, yes. I noticed them after I posted them up. I'm quite a ditz because I don't look at what I write. I just post it up. I also spelled confused right, but thank you very much for reviewing and reminding me! And haha. My sister loves the color blue as well!  
**

**Blue Emo Bunny: Wait no more! The new chapter is up! **

**Again, thanks for all the beautiful reviews, guys! You are all so nice!**

**~EdenLovegoodMalfoy**


	4. Noises

**DISCLAIMER: I still don't own Teen Titans. If I did, Robin and Starfire would never have had that kiss in Tokyo.**

**WARNING: Sucky, jumpy chapter that is short. I promise I will make up for it. **

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Raven and Robin left at different times so that the other Titans didn't suspect anything. Raven left approximately 5-10 minutes after Robin had left and immediately headed toward her room, hoping nobody saw her pink cheeks. As she sat on her bed, she recalled the previous event, her cheeks getting redder and hotter each time she thought about it.

Shaking her head, she pulled out a book from her book shelf and cracked it open. Hopefully, the words would soothe down her pounding heart.

After a while, she decided to walk out to stop the loudness disrupting her reading. Little did she know, she would regret ever leaving her room.

* * *

"Friend Robin, I would like to talk to you," Starfire announced when Robin had headed into the living room, where she was comfortably seated at the stools by the kitchen. She had spun in the stool to face him.

Robin raised an eyebrow before nodding slowly and walking over to her. He plopped down next to her, whilst facing her as he rest his arm on the counter.

Starfire turned to face him and neatly interlaced her fingers before placing them delicately on her lap. She looked eager and irritated about something. Robin could tell by her poster and the frown adorned on her face. Like always, Starfire was her straightforward self, but not the straightforward he was used to. "Friend Robin," she started, sounding like an interviewer," do you find me attractive?"

Robin scratched the back of his head sheepishly and looked at her. "Um...well...yeah...you're attractive, Starfire," he answered.

Starfire sighed in relief before slumping her shoulders that had been stiff when she sat straight. "Oh, I am so very relieved that you said that!" she exclaimed, wrapping her arms around his neck and jumping off the stool.

Shocked and reluctant, Robin wrapped his arms around her.

"Whoo! Didn't know I was going to run into something like this!" a voice exclaimed, causing the pair to stare at the culprit, but not move from their positions.

"Oh...uh...Beast Boy, look, it's..." Robin started. "It's not what it looks like!" Noticing the leader's stuttering, Starfire pulled away and smiled brightly at the green boy.

"Did you two finally settle down your emotions? Are you two going out?" he asked, eyes wide with curiosity.

"Beast Boy-" Robin insisted, trying to break the boy's chatter.

"I absolutely hope that we are doing the going out!" Starfire piped up. "Are we?" she asked Robin.

"Look, I don't-" Robin started.

Everything was silent when Raven entered the room with Cyborg. Raven had her hood up, covering her face as to not show the emotion she held in her expression. She hovered over to the couch and grabbed a book she had left that morning. "I'm going out," she answered," and whatever you do, don't follow me."

"Hey, Rae, wait!" Cyborg started, walking up to the empath.

"I said," Raven hissed," don't follow me. I'll be fine." The lights flickered and everything had a black entity around them.

"Rae," Beast Boy started. Before anyone could utter anything, Raven was out the door. Unintentionally, she slammed it behind her with her telepathy. "What's her problem?" Beast Boy asked, scrunching up her nose. This caused Cyborg to slap him on the back of the head.

"I'm going to go find her," Robin said, getting off of the stool to go out the door.

Cyborg shook his head. "You heard her. She was pretty ticked off. The last thing she needs is to be ticked off even more; much more that the town would be destroyed."

Dejected, Robin nodded and sat down on the couch. Honestly, he didn't know what to think.

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**A/N: I know, I know. I'm doing a terrible job as an author. This story is so corny right now. For me, writing someone like Raven is a pain. I'm not used to her usual hiding emotion character. I'm usually used to the energetic, charismatic characters that aren't afraid to show emotions.**

**Nkcandygirl: No worries! I have updated!**

**Cameroni64: Aw, thank you! That means a lot to me because I honestly think this story is going downhill!**

**HermioneSakuraGardner07: Lol. Blue prevails! And yes, I am aware of that, but I like to think that she becomes vulnerable around the other Titans because they ebb away at the icy layer she has over her body.**

**Lily: I obviously love this pairing as well. Lol. And wait no more because this is the next chapter!**

**Thank you all for the kind reviews~**

**EdenLovegoodMalfoy**


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